ailaaila0002

我曾想過當和尚，但因為各種原因想一想也就作罷。
　　那時我正度著最惶茫潦倒的時光。插隊回來雙腿殘廢了，搖著輪椅去四處求職很像是無聊之徒的一場惡作劇，令一切正規單位的招工人員退避三舍。幸得一家街道小作坊不嫌棄，這才有一份口糧錢可掙。
小作坊總共三間低矮歪斜的老屋，八九個老太太之外，幾個小夥子都跟我差不多，腳上或輕或重各備一份殘障。我們的手可以勞作，嗓子年輕，夢想也都紛繁，每天不停地唱歌，和不停地在仿古傢俱上畫下美麗的圖案。在那兒一幹七年。十幾年後我偶然在一家星級飯店裏見過我們的作品。
　　小作坊附近，曲曲彎彎的小巷深處有座小廟，廢棄已久，僧人早都四散，被某個機關佔據著。後來時代有所變遷，小廟修葺一新，又有老少幾位僧徒出入了，且唱經之聲隔牆可聞。
傍晚，我常搖了輪椅到這小廟牆下閑坐，看著它，覺得很有一種安慰。單是那廟門、廟堂、廟院的建築形式就很能讓人鎮定下來，忘記失學的怨憤，忘記失業的威脅，忘記失戀的折磨，似乎塵世的一切牽掛與煩惱都容易忘記了……晚風中，孩子們鳥兒一樣地喊叫著遊戲，在深巷裏蕩起回聲，廟院中的老樹沙啦沙啦搖動枝葉仿佛平靜地看這人間，然後一輪孤月升起，掛在廟堂簷頭，世界便像是在這小廟的撫慰下放心地安睡了。我想這和尚真可做得，粗茶淡飯暮鼓晨鐘，與世無爭地了此一生。
瀰漫之夜
惡魔丘比特

　　搖了輪椅回家，一路上卻想，既然願意與世無爭地度此一生，又何必一定要在那廟裏？在我那小作坊裏不行麼？好像不行，好像只有住進那廟裏去這心才能落穩。
為什麼呢？又回頭去看月下小廟的身影，忽有所悟：那廟的形式原就是一份渴望理解的申明，它的清疏簡淡樸拙幽深恰是一種無聲的宣告，告訴自己也告訴別人，這不是落荒而逃，這是自由的選擇，因而才得坦然。我不知道那廟中的僧徒有幾位沒有說謊，單知道自己離佛境還差得遙遠，我恰是落荒而逃，卻又想披一件脫凡入聖的外衣。美國黑金

　　而且從那小廟的宣告中，也聽出這樣的意思：入聖當然可以，脫凡其實不能，無論僧俗，人可能捨棄一切，卻無法捨棄被理解的渴望。

TomB80

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TomB80

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TomB80

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TomB80

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